Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I Got Frist-ed

One of my favorite reads Kissing Suzy Kolber touched a subject that has bothered probably every sports fan with an IQ above that rock you threw last time you were at your cabin (for urban type people picture throwing a discarded triple latte cup from Starbucks). Today’s Sportcenter has become what MTV morphed into when they decided that actually showing music videos on the music video network was going out of style like leg warmers and Adam Curry’s hair.

The syrupy coating of corporate sugar has improved the looks of the show but leaves you empty much like that four dollar bag of cotton candy at the state fair. COORS LIGHT COLD BLAST!!! DEGREE ALL-IN MOMENT!!! ICY-HOT GROIN INJURY OF THE DAY!!! HOOTERS BIG BUST OF THE DAY (today featuring players fingered by admitted juice-head Jason Grimsley)!! Everything seems to be compartmentalized into (un)funny sections of hawking products or QVC-type personalities trying to get you to buy their opinions instead of a lovely pair of 18K gold wing-shaped earrings for $24.97 available to the first 250 shoppers only!

Bring back the snark, the meast (stolen from KSK, Best. Word. Ever.), and drop most of the crap shock-graphics to put more effort into having a live-type show with errors and actual moments human activity versus a sixty minute teleprompter reading.

Yeah, good morning to you too.

I’m still a little punch drunk from all of the sky is falling readings yesterday (I’m guilty as charged). But thanks to some friends who actually follow politics and understand what happened over the weekend, the online poker Frist-Fucking (2nd best phrase from a couple of fellow bloggers) level has been set back to orange. This is a new realm for me, as I’ve never been personally effected by “family values” type legislation. I’m currently using a combination Lamaze breathing techniques and some Dr. Denis Leary “Shut the Fuck Up” therapy to calm myself into believing that things will be changing versus total prohibition. With any luck people will still be reading this space for a little online poker content.

God help me if I become a gamer again. If you think hand histories are hot-knife-to-the-eye painful to read do you want to hear about how I racked up 55 frags last night? Neither do I.

There was some poker played last night, as I made the unfortunate step in signing up for the Hoy tourney without caring about what was happening. I think $22 could have been spent more wisely on family meal at Old Country Buffet or maybe a new Twins division champs t-shirt (Are we on for the bet Mr. Speaker or do you require training-wheel runs again? Edit: Speaker is in straight up, go Twins!!!!). After my donation I decided to use up my Step three ticket over at Party since they’re ready to slap US players with the ban stick quicker then George Dubyah can say pwned!

After playing in over twenty Step one tourneys ($5) and only "winning" replays, I now hold a $165 ticket to Step four in just one try at the consecutive levels. Go me. Here’s where the going getting murky however. Say the ban is enacted before I’m able to use the ticket, do I get refunded the amount? After seeing Party’s stone age-like customer service in action before has me thinking nay. How about my ticket to the weekly $100K Monster freeroll (which feeds into the $14+ million dollar pool), does that have a cash value since I’m unlikely to be able to play now (weekend are a bitch for me to try to play a tourney)?

Fear not, because when I logged on yesterday there was a 20% reload bonus waiting for me!!! Great work guys, squeeze every Lincoln penny out of US players that you can before slamming the gates.


Thanks for dropping by, now hop on over to the many blogs you see on the right to gauge the reactions from the front line of this Frist-a-rific carnival game of “Dunk the Law”. First person to get their pet moral values project passed wins a prize of Presidential votes from the blue haired church ladies who discuss how gambling is evil…

… while buying a 16 card spread at their weekly bingo and casino night fundraiser.

God bless America.

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