Monday, October 09, 2006

Still Fictionally Angry

If your spouse is being nice to you despite claiming (with good reasons) that she’s tired, do you:

a) Ask why she’s been drinking without you

b) Go along with it, and enjoy the good mood

c) Think of ways to exploit this mood

Maybe it’s because Kyra is finally sleeping thru the night on a regular basis, or that her lazy, degenerate husband has been picking up some slack in the housekeeping department. Or maybe its from taking the 49ers minus the points, the Eagles minus the points with the over in a parlay, and she’s expecting some fallout from this. Since the bet made was fictional, of course the only thing I won was pride in making up the loss fictional funds from the week the Eagles decided to mimic an Enron stock type tanking.

I bear no grudges of course. And her good mood affects my mood.


The fictional bet was made because I live in a country where betting on such sporting contests is bad and making such bets could be considered “against the law”. Despite being old enough to: drink, get married, enter a contract, have sex with Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom stall at the Playboy club in Vegas, drive, smoke, join the Marines, know better but still too young to care (bonus points if you know the song). According to these carefully crafted laws, I’m able to hop on to and blow thousands of dollars on fine equines running in circles (or just down the straight-away if they’re Quarter-horses). As a disclaimer I fully enjoy horse racing and think its great rush to watch your horse hit the last turn and find that burst of speed to leave the pack looking like Tampa Bay’s punt coverage team trying to catch Reggie Bush yesterday.

I am also free to go to Canterbury’s card club and throw plastic discs of various colors to the middle of the green felt and wager on Poker where the likely outcome is some idiot calling the whole way with Ace-rag vs. my pocket Kings and hitting an ace on the river. Being a gentleman I would politely inform the 74 year old with the piss-full adult diaper and sipping his fourth Tom Collins that his play is the reason why I continue to believe poker will be around for awhile, and thank him with a sharp right hook.

Fictionally of course.

If I really wanted to get my gamble on, I’d take a left, instead of a right after exiting Highway 169 south and head to Mystic Lake casino. There I’d keep my erection detection from all the blinking lights and scantly clad waitresses to a minimum by deftly maneuvering through the banks of Mr. Cashman and newest Monopoly variation penny slots.

All legal because I’m over the age of 18 (in Minnesota).

On the internet, my listed age is still the same although some childish ranting happens from time to time on this page and in the chat boxes at various poker sites when the outcome of the board does not favor me.

Do I have to wait for Mr. Senator before I can bludgeon my fictional bankroll with poorly timed bluffs and massive overbetting with overpairs that are already beat? (Yes, I’m aware that they are only trying to curb the flow of money, but they will curb the flow of fish swimming upstream as well)

Are you scared that sites like Full Tilt and PokerStars won’t be willing to share the pie like your contributors are?

Such nearsightedness should be saved for the eye doctor’s office. Put on some glasses and see beyond your own nose, you might be surprised what you see with clearer vision.

End rant.

Vikings. Skol Defense!!!!!

Start rant.

The Raven’s run to the Super Bowl in 2001 should not be a blueprint on how to build a championship team. A rabid fan like myself is starting to treat offensive plays as time to go make some Beer Brats and nachos using Triscuits (its good, trust me). I think BG called Chester Taylor “serviceable” a few weeks ago, this distinction should go for the entire offense. The offense does not gain many yards, they don’t turn over the ball much, and quite frankly they’re eating up valuable clock time for the defense to take a pick for a touchdown.

Lions fans, your team deserved to win and if the line is anywhere near three on December 10th, I’ll be placing a fictional bet on Kitna.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven’t been reading the series of posts at UpForPoker about the recent online gambling laws please do yourself a favor read the many well-thought out sentences they have typed.

Oh... Best. Cartoon. Ever. (if you're a gaming geek like me)

CJ, you owe me another $50 I lost playing Razz while watching this.

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