The Difference Between Phil Ivey and Conrad Ivey

Poker questions:

If you make a play based on prior action and it doesn't work out, is it a bad play?

If you make a play based on prior action and you suckout or win a close coin flip as a result, are you a donkey?

If you stick to a game plan and follow through regardless of the end result, are you satisified with your play?

These have happened recently and I've been called names, had my play questioned, and haven't achieved any results while playing no limit hold em' for the past two weeks, save a minor cash in the Mookie last week (been nibbling at the $22 PLO8 SnGs with success while warming up for next month).

I do not play as many tourneys as such esteemed MTT crusher such as Chad or Hoy but I do have a strategy that has netted me some success and makes me look like I took a Joey Porter uppercut to the noggin at other times (well concealed last night Bayne). As players, if you're not going into a game with a strategy and just winging it, of course lady luck could sit on your lap for evening at a rate of $20 per two songs and you'd still see your name at the final table with fabulous prizes to be won.

Nothing wrong with that, its your money, spend it however you want (that is if I ran the government, unfortunately the US's is throwing down the hammer again soon). Some nights I choose to be the donkey and play very loose, fast, and drunk. Other nights I use to study the game and pick my spots with three different thoughts about it.

1) What happened in prior hands?

2) Who am I playing against?

3) What am I playing?

Take my leave from yesterday's Moooooooooookie:

1) I got open raised on the button three consecutive times, and I just lost a coin flip with JJ versus AKo

2) Bayne is smart, calculating tournament player that could raise with air solely based on position and I do have fold equity with a resteal

3) A blogger tourney, hand selection might be looser here and I'm down to under 10BBs and I'm the table's shortest stack, if I want to make a run I need to win somewhere hoping to get my Ace-Rag called by two broadway cards, a suited connector, or get a fold and get back to the starting chip stack

Unfortunately, thoughts don't always equal greatness as he rolled over AA and my seven percenter didn't come in.

But, if it did win... am I a donkey for it?

Thanks for dropping by, now I hope that shed some light on my game for you Brock :)

Bigger Deal Belongs In Your Hands

Trip reports.

People on the internet and this poker blogging community read them daily about the family jaunt to the cabin, recent visits to a Las Vegas cardroom with sidetracks to the Geisha Bar at the Imperial Palace, or home game summaries containing those intense hands of battle with the crusty local player that draw an unusual possible mirroring image thru time travel.

The reporting part is about giving the readers a feel for those chips sitting in of you waiting to be expertly riffled and flung at the novice player in the five seat who just bet into your nut flush. Smelling the smoke that hangs from the overly expensive pre-embargo Cuban cigar smoker railing his buddy in the eight seat with the equally bling-tastic necklace proclaiming his wealth for worthy mistresses of the night.

Now take those feelings and sensory footprints and combine them into a 200 plus page illustration of poker’s little corner of the universe through the eyes of one of its more famous storytellers and combine them with a writer who’s comfortable penning a book on Mozart as he is describing the state of our card game with the entry of the World Poker Tour fanboi who’s chasing flush draws in $10K buy in tournaments while headbanging away to the latest speed metal band on his iPod.

Re-Enter Anthony Holden to the bestseller’s list with his follow up to the popular (and sadly unread by this sorry excuse for a blogger) Big Deal. Holden captures the state of poker with its brand new element that brought people like myself into the world of staking arrangements, wrap straight draws, and 24 hour sessions at the green felt waiting out that fish in the two seat to finally bluff at the wrong pot.

Unfortunately, I cannot draw any parallels to the original verse but his descriptions of the games from Monte Carlo all the way into the halls of the World Series of Poker Main Event made for a surprising refreshing journey. The back stories of how he earned his main event seat through a freeroll while outlasting the last three main event champions not named Gold, and how he struggles with losing his “Moll” while attempting to concrete his poker face for those twelve tabling wiz kids from PokerStars in the attempt to solidify his poker standings with a cash or even victory in the WSOP main event, makes for great sunny afternoon on the back porch read. Not to mention a new distaste for being dealt Ace-King.

And if you’re inclined to check out the Brit’s more recent poker musings, be sure to hit up BiggerDeal.com where you’ll find even more backroom stories by Al Alvarez and Lee Jones. I’d like to thank “Bigger Deal’s” publisher Simon and Schuster for providing copies of the book, one of which will be part of a bounty prize at a soon-to-be-announced leg of the BloggerPokerChallenge.

I say soon-to-be-announced because my participation in those tourneys always hinges on singing Thomas the Tank Engine’s variations of kids’ songs which make the entire suburban block cringe from my bastardization of twinkling music emitting from the book. Most likely it will be the Mookie next week where I’ll be sure to earn more ire from other bloggers while pushing crap cards and winning with a forty percent chance when I run low on chips.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you’re still vying for those top 50 spots in the BloggerPokerChallenge make sure you get the schedule over at the SoCo loving hippy’s site muy pronto-like and steer clear of those Yolante van Kasbergen pics. I’ve heard you can go blind from using too much peppermint lotion.

TGIFacial

Because work is determined to kick my ass my review (along with half the poker bloggers) of Bigger Deal (short review: Awesome!) will be in the next few days.

For now I'd just like to assist the hostessing job at a local chain restaurant.

You're looking great in those black stretchy pants that form those curves with a subtle hint of cleavage showing up top. And I know my daughter is the cutest thing you've ever laid eyes upon, but if you'd like her father to keep a shred of his self-esteem, next time come over to the table to converse in baby talk with her after her dad mops up the stream of alfredo sauce dribbling down his chin.

For poker-y type stuff, caught my first Hoy points for the BloggerPokerChallenge last night but went card dead right at the final table bubble. Ya win, ya lose, ya sometimes gets stared at by hot chicks for the wrong reasons.

Thanks for dropping by, now give Pauly a blogger birthday congrats on five years with the Tao of Pauly!

A Wyatt By Any Other Name Is Not The Same

As I told Speaker... I apologize to all Hollyweird type celeb fans that will have to deal with their idols and overpaid divas naming their kids Wyatt over the next couple of years. Its tough being a trendsetter.

Me. Cabin. Leinie 24 pack. Ice Cream. Turkey. Captain. Golf.

See you after the holidays :)

If you're going to be out of town like myself, please make sure you're throwing a buy in towards the Darfur effort at PokerStars this Sunday. In case you haven't already read about it here is Pauly's plea to get more of us blogger tournament donkeys involved:

PokerStars is running the Ocean's Thirteen Darfur Charity Tournament next Sunday afternoon at 3:30pm ET. PokerStars is teaming up with the cast of Ocean's Thirteen to help stop the suffering in the war-torn region of Darfur in the Sudan. If you have not been paying attention, over 400,000 people have already been killed. They launched Not On Our Watch. Their mission is to... "focus global attention and resources to stop and prevent mass atrocities. Drawing on the powerful voice of citizen artists, activists, and cultural leaders, our mission is to generate lifesaving humanitarian assistance and protection for the vulnerable, marginalized, and displaced."

PokerStars is donating $1 million and you can help out by playing in two diffeent charity events. You have a shot to win a ticket to the Ocean's Thirteen premiere in Los Angeles. See below for specific details.

Overview of the Ocean's Thirteen Darfur Charity Tournament:These tournaments are special re-buy tournaments - the entire prize pool will be matched by PokerStars and donated to the Darfur relief efforts. At the conclusion of the event the prize pool, which will be temporarily awarded to the 1st place finisher, will be removed from the 1st place finisher's account. The amount will then be matched by PokerStars and sent forward to the Darfur charity. Thank you for participating — go re-buy crazy! — it's for a good cause.

Good luck!

Date: May 27th 2007, 15:30 ET

Buy-in: $10 plus rebuys.

Prizes: Top 4 receive tickets to June 5th premiere in Los Angeles plus 2 nights hotel and $2k for travel/spending. Top 18 receive autographed copy of "Oceans 13" DVD.

Total prize pool will go to charity. PokerStars will match the donation. The tournament is open to all players. Good luck!

I managed only my second final table last night in the BloggerPokerChallenge, getting bottom money while watching Zeem run over everything in his path. Checks are on the way for the WSOP ticket purchase, once I cash those in I'll be purchasing $1,500 in tournament chips for the WSOP Event #42 and hope to have more then just a drawn out story for those who were gracious enough to back me in the event.

Thanks for dropping by, now I'm going to go enjoy some tasty cinnamon crusted bagels that were just delivered :)

Splinters Standing On End

I guess Lindsay wasn’t the reason for the spike in traffic last week, still not sure what was.

Due to work coming down hard lately, I’ll be bunkered up underneath a shelter of reports and numbers while getting zero time to play poker. Even writing for the other site has been difficult due to the lack of time but two newly crowned proud parents dropped by to say hi last night while I was throwing a quick post up about the penny NLHE player whose bankroll got a bump from PokerStars.

Luckbox.

While sitting on the proverbial and literal bench this week, I’ve taken a new view on things like poker and softball. What once was a given that I would be lounged back with laptop perched on my lap on a weeknight and cold beverage within arm’s length while four tabling my PLO8 games. Now, I find just opening up X-chat to say hi to the bloggers and have a couple of conversations via IM about all I have time for.

The bench this weekend gave me a cold shower as I went from being one of the best all-around players on my team, to a tourney team that looks upon my 6’4” frame as nothing more then a role player to fill in at catcher and maybe take an at-bat or two. Normally, while playing on my Tuesday night co-ed league my cockiness and lack of effort from this bravado, would cause a general distaste for even showing up. This weekend’s wake up call provided me a little guide as to why I enjoyed the game, and helped revive my excitement for the company of our mixed gender league games.

Even if the score didn’t dictate excitement and the windy, rainy weather tried its best to dampen my spirits.

I’m off to prep for the Mooooooookie tonight and hop back into the saddle of earning points for the overwhelmingly popular BloggerPokerChallenge. If you haven’t been attempting to get to these events, I highly recommend playing; just don’t take it too seriously or be prepared for rants.

Thanks for dropping by, now why does Michele Wie get it that she’s not a PGA player (but is much nicer to look at)? I’m all for equality, but her golf game does not equal those of guys hitting from the black tees.

When will her wake up call hit?

Straddled Lindsay Lohan and Got Burnt

A question recently popped into my head due to the whirlwind of a weekend with the softball team at Treasure Island casino.

Is it more fulfilling to be the worst player on a winning team or the best player on a losing team?

If there was anything to describe the play at the poker tables over the weekend, I can’t imagine Webster came up with a word for it. Blind five way capped straddles three times in a row ended my blood red runs at the tables, as I scooped up the pittance of chips left over. In over nine hours played, I managed to get one pocket pair higher then nines, which promptly squashed the small and big blinds for their forced $4 total when I raised one off the button.

I watched a portly asian girl with large glasses and a penchant for shaking uncontrollably if she had hand, call down three bets on the river with nine high on a paired board that was also four flushed. No, we were not playing four card poker. A scary skater dude with pierced nose, lips, and probably other needlized body parts to go with his flaccid way of placing chips into a pot that took longer then sixty year old guy waiting for his Cialis to kick in made a game I’d never been in.

I was immediately straddled every hand by the Vietnamese hospital worker to my left who translates for the doctors, excellent chair selection by yours truly since he seemed to also be the one solid player in the game. Figuring his homage to Michael Bennett meant he was an oft-injured running back who can’t get through the holes of his game, the #32 jersey was a simple statement that “I’m a Vikes fan, and hope to all that is holy that Peterson is half the showstopper he should be”.

Somehow I managed to post a decent sized red number over the weekend and will need to reload from the online accounts for a little tourney I’ll be playing in June. I wish I could detail a little more about the guy who looked like Francis “Chainsaw” Gremp after a shave and a shower from “Summer School”, who managed to tilt the rest of the table by turning his last $100 into $400 within an orbit by playing blind, but I must get on with my newly busy life of shuttling around in my pimpin 87’ Cavalier which my brother and dad graciously fixed up after a burst water pipe or something mechanical that a number cruncher like me wouldn’t understand.

Thanks for dropping by, now please go and watch my plunge on the BloggerPokerChallenge leaderboard looking up at the blogfather (which is damn tough to do at 6'4"), as I free fall out of the top 10, then top 20, due to not being able to play or making superawesomelevel15styledstealattemptswithsOOOtedcards and breaking myself.

A test... Lindsay Lohan's left nipple piercing photo is not here.

Stinky Brew

Twinkies suck! Go Brewers!!!

- StB 05/18/07


Bite me Cheesehead! Skol Twinkies!!

- Drizz 05/21/07

Long weekend, made longer due to unexplainable losses at the casino and a flaccid bat during the softball tourney. My WSOP ticket will be purchased when I get my checks from Stars and Tilt in about a week, so if those who have expressed interest please make the transfer via Stars (drizztdj), FullTilt (drizztdj), or Paypal (hrking275 A T yahooooooooooooooo.com without many of those o's).

Since my head is still full of barley hops and alcohol flavored diet coke, I'm going to pass on drafting a trip report right now and give everyone a heads up about a rebuy tourney at Stars for a worthy cause. Much like my absence for the Blogger Big Game last night, I'll be at my cabin this weekend and will miss the tourney but I'm throwing my $10 towards event.

Here's Pauly with the information about the Darfur charity tourney:


Dear Poker Bloggers,

PokerStars is hosting a chairty tournament ONE WEEK from today to help raise money for the war torn Darfur region in the Sudan.

Date: May 27th 2007, 15:30 ET

Buy-in: $10 plus rebuys.

Prizes: Top 4 receive tickets to June 5th premiere in Los Angeles plus 2 nights hotel and $2k for travel/spending. Top 18 receive autographed copy of "Oceans 13" DVD. Total prize pool will go to charity. PokerStars will match the donation. The tournament is open to all players. Good luck!

I'm encouraging all bloggers to spread the word about this event. Please post the information on your blogs.

We got less than 300 players in last week's charity tournament. That was pathetic. My goal is to get at least 1,000 players in this tournament. I need your help.

Please blog about next Sunday's charity tournament. Blog about it two or three times. Please encourage all of your friends to play and if they can't play -- tell them to blog about it.

As I wrote on my blog... online poker players are painted by the mainstream press as degenerate criminals. Here's a chance to show the world that we can do some good with online poker.

Information is on the Tao of Poker. Feel free to cut and paste.

Karma points will be coming your way.

Thanks,
Pauly



Thanks for dropping by, now hopefully won't donk off the rest of my vanishing home bankroll at the Corky-like special players $2/$4 tables at Grand Casino this weekend as I'll write about some crazy (and bankroll denting) happenings at the Treasure Island tables last weekend. The post will include "when straddling goes bad" and "no, four cards to a straight only works if everyone folds".

Spring In My Step

I had to close my eyes for a moment this morning as the clunker I had been handed down finally started to show its age by dribbling anti-freeze all over my parent’s driveway while smoke rose from behind its rusted hood. Many moons ago while things were not on the level mentally or physically for this self proclaimed (or wife proclaimed for that matter) man-child I was given a relaxation technique by a college professor who had a few letters behind his name and a small practice for side income.

“After closing your eyes, just immerse yourself into your favorite place”

Sounded a little too much like Apollo Creed telling a hockey player turned professional ball whacking guy to dream about overfollowing beer pitchers being carried out by one Julie Bowen who donned an acceptable white lingerie ensemble. But, the doctor no doubt had seen a few whackos in his day and since I didn’t see the patients before me flinging poo, I decided to try this simple mental brillo pad.

As my furrowed brow sapped over my eyes, I began my adventure into the perfect weather which comes only for four to six weeks in Minnesota. Similar to the time it takes to receive your 30 gig iPod from PokerStars as a thank you for playing into the single digit hours of the morning due to a nocturnal daughter that isn’t going to sleep with a simple reading from the Beauty and Beast mini-book and a couple gulps of skim milk. With the aforementioned prize, I cue up a mix of music similar to my taste in threads.

Matching socks with pants does not come easy for me, because if there’s one fault of many that I wish I could change is my impeccably bad choice of clothing. I wear the same monochromatic polo shirts to work each week, aside one day when I make a bold fashion statement with an ill-fitting button down shirt that was ironed probably the last time the Kansas City Royals could be called “contenders” or even “a professional baseball team”. As my iHome speakers spewed out songs on the back porch by 2LiveCrew, Amy Grant, Pantera, and Alan Jackson in succession, it’s a wonder why the fashion and music police haven’t brought me in as a “person of interest”. Today there’s no care in my happy place, as the spring winds sweep through my mangled uncovered toes with little kisses while reclined on my wife’s fold-out lounge chair. The sun’s rays are gentle enough at this time of year to prevent my chalk white skin from turning the same color as my wife’s cheeks after I explained why the clothes in the dryer remained stationary throughout this day.

“It was too nice out”, a simple explanation that drain a bit of the hulk-sized anger from her forehead as she too succumbed to whistling breeze and snuggle worthy temperatures overlooking our unfinished backyard. Of course, as Vince Neil came on to shout praises for GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS, my better half removed me from her chair and I took up my residence down on the patches of grass along with my company stamped 32 oz. mug with some motivational double-talk spiel on its side. The contents were the same as always (Cap’n Coke for those who have stumbled here looking for advice on how to play AAXX single suited in late position with a tight raiser UTG), but the environment changed as the sun started to go over Highway 494, heading west to signal that once it reached the rich part of town with its still bloated real estate prices, that snow pants and gloves would be needed to brave any blizzard that was sure to fall at night time.

Some people play air guitar, I set down my drink to shoot a few holes of air golf at Augusta National. My five iron was giving me trouble once again as my downswing was a little too quick and caught a little fat on the hilly lie and the ball ended up in Rae’s Creek, Tiger in his Sunday reds shook his head as I solemnly went to retrieve my ball. The ensuing divot was frowned upon by the matron overlooking from the gallery above, not for ruining one of the few patches of decent grass growth in our barren yard, but for the dorkishness of the faux shot displayed by her husband of almost seven years.

As the bottom of the mug was reached, the kids informed us via shouts that supper needed to be served and the gnats decided I was a decent appetizer. An audible sigh left my mouth as I climbed back up the stairs of the deck to head into the smells of pot roast, taters, and carrots slowly steaming in the crock-pot sitting in the kitchen. Thus ended a perfect spring day in Minnesota, and reason to get up for the next one tomorrow.

Maybe that doctor knew what he was talking about.

Thanks for dropping by, now I thought about if I had died last night and the first post my family would read was yesterday’s fapping exercise and decided, I should improve a bit on that or at least hide my peppermint lotion a little better.

Minty Dreams

I guess my two million spam votes paid off to get Lohan voted Maxim's Hot 100 top chick.

Guess the sandwiches finally worked.

Since there was zero poker played after throwing out my shoulder last night at softball, I have a question to all:

Who do you think masturbates more on a weekly basis?

a) High school virgin

b) A recently out-of-work porn star

c) A married man/woman

d) A man/woman just recently dumped from a long-term relationship

e) Your dog that is not Bob Barker approved by having him spayed or neutered.


Thanks for dropping by, now I intend on making at least the final table tonight to make up for my third-time-in-a-row out of the points finish in the Hoy, while slinging cards tonight at the Mookie for the BloggerPokerChallenge.

Fear the nurse.

And Mike... I'd like to tackle this, due to the perfect weather we've had for the past week. Despite my sub-standard skillz I have some ideas rolling around for it.

Seven Deadly Memes

Since the meme calls from the outer reaches of Texas, I must answer.

Seven things about me that were better unknown and may cause dizziness and nausea, please remain in the seated position and dream about Lindsay Lohan during this post:

1) I am most likely the only (if not one of the very few) bloggers who does not have a bachelor's degree. Despite starting at Arizona State University fresh out of high school, staring at the bronzed ladies by the Sonora doom room poolside area were not enough to keep me there.

2) I have one regret in life, it concerns the death of my ex-girlfriend from high school. After that I have no shames. Get me drunk enough at a blogger event and I may tell you the back story.

3) I am physically unable to spell any word backward. Yes, that includes the word "be" and any palindrome (yes I know what a palindrome is, if you don't... remember that "A slut taxes sex at Tulsa" but I'm not exactly sure what services those taxes are on however). If you prop bet me on this, you'll get a raised eyebrow and possibly a decent beer poured over you.

4) Despite not being fans of their music, my cat, and my sister-in-law's cat are named after Simon and Garfunkle. It seemed like the only way to get away with calling the cat "Funky" without questioning its ability to bust a move.

5) I have hit a golf ball 400 yards (non-cart path aided), I have hit a softball 400 feet, I have thrown 10 strikes in a row in a regulated game of bowling, and I have hit a spike so hard during a game it hit the floor and bounced high enough to hit a gym's ceiling. Despite being 6'4" and having a basketball rim in the backyard of my parent's home, I cannot hit a six foot jump shot to save my life.

6) While on vacation, I once made-out and felt up a girl who was two years younger then I that I'd just met five hours prior to nipplegate in front of her parents while watching a movie with them sitting next to us.

7) I once drove 300 miles to International Falls, MN to see a girl's high school graduation that had been writing "mushy" letters to me while I was at Arizona State only to find out she had a boyfriend after I got there and spent the weekend in her grandmother's basement except for the ceremony and snagged a couple of wonderful roast beef sandwiches at the graduation party.

The Hoy once again proved to be my thorn in this blogger dealy-o as they are only tournaments I have not received points in for the BloggerPokerChallenge. Last night it was a coin flip of JJ vs. AKo that spelled my demise, as I made do with the crappy cards I'd received for the first 90 minutes. But, thanks to some wonderfully gifted card slingers at the NLO8 cash games, I was able to make a few beer bucks for the WSOP trip. These tables are not for the faint of heart as dropping 10 buy ins isn't unheard of (but we won't mention names) but the upswings are as easy as catching cards and knowing your odds while pushing with a big draw.

Thanks for dropping by, now I must return to corporate life as I'm in training for the entire week on how to draft brand spankin new TPS reports.

Its A New Day

Starting my new job today, so I'm getting a feel for the change (which is welcomed, not to mention this kick ass comfty chair!).

Tomorrow I'd like to broach a subject of marriage for a stroll around my brain which has been on overload lately.

Be back tomorrow folks.

And if you haven't already congratulated the Pokernews crew for landing the WSOP duties, please go do so. Our refresh buttons will rejoice during all events now :)

Congrats guys, you earned it!

Bracelet Race Today!

I will be blinding off today while here for Mother's Day dinner, hopefully returning to play in the Bloggers/Riverchasers bracelet race (see Keeley's tits for password information) at Full Tilt today at 6pm CST/7pm EST.

If I don't get back in time, enjoy my chips and see you at the WSOP!

Are You A Drunk Daddy?

Wyatt (after getting up for the third time tonight): What are you doing?

Me: Still playing poker and chatting with friends.

Wyatt: Can I have some of that? (pointing to my Cap'n Morgan glass filled with an "adult" beverage)

Me: No, that's an adult drink Wyatt, now its time for you to go back to bed.

Wyatt: Yeah daddy you REALLY like adult drinks!

Me: That I do.

Have a good weekend, photo credits to my father-in-law, and cuteness coming from the wife's genes.

I Shall Fly

If you came here to see Lindsay Lohan eating a sandwich yesterday, that would explain the tripling of the traffic.

Being a baseball fan, I like this pic of her much better.

Ok, the lets-send-Drizz-to-the-WSOP charity drive responses have blown my mind so far. There have been 23.5 shares purchased by my fellow brothers (and sisters) in writing arms and after suggestions from the Pokernews crew, I shall be staying at the Gold Coast which has all the $5 Pai Gow tables and bowling alleys I'll need for cheap fun AND within walking distance to the final table on Tuesday :)

Minneapolis to Las Vegas
6/24/07
5:15 pm - 6:35 pm
Sun Country Airlines
Las Vegas to Minneapolis
6/27/07
2:10 pm - 7:05 pm
Sun Country Airlines

Hotel: Gold Coast Hotel and Casino
Room reservation: 1 adult
Gold Coast Hotel and Casino
Check in: Sun 6/24/2007
Check out: Wed 6/27/2007

For payment information on the shares, please make a transfer to my Full Tilt or Stars account (Drizztdj) or if you'd like to transfer via PayPal, just email me for the account information (hrking275 a t comcast d o t net). Again, I can't thank everyone enough for sending this low roller to the WSOP and never dreamt playing would come this soon. At the moment I feel like Eddie the Eagle at the 98' Winter Olympics making an attempt at a prize far outside of his comfort area, but this will probably pass after I stack someone with a nut low-nut flush.

Add Al, Chilly, Gary, Ten Mile, Bobby Bracelet to the list of ski jumping backers :)

There are 6.5 shares up for grabs out there, if you are interested please leave a comment or send me an email.

The Moooooookie's headlines have been the same for myself throughout the BloggerPokerChallenge, make the points, lose a key hand, finish short of the money. One suckout got me to the points, and a coinflip finished me off. Very vanilla, not even a praline or carmel sauce to spice up my tourney. At least the chat was worthy, and there's a free apple streusel pancake mix box on my desk for anyone who's hungry for breakfast tomorrow.

Thanks for dropping by, now make sure you're joining me at the WSOP by winning the Keeley's shirt this weekend!!

I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here

Here's the list of those folks who are investing in the highest variance game (see below) outside of No Limit Triple Draw Slapjack with jokers (Kyra sits in amazement):

Falstaff
F-Train
Joe Speaker
Daddy (do SnailTrax shirts come in XXL? I'll get one after we chat this evening)
JJok
Bayne
On_THG
Donkeypuncher
Katitude
CJ (please have lady luck rub the mobneys for good luck first :D )
Moooooooooookie
Change100

Purchased:
Pauly

PokerPeaker

The shares are set at $50 a piece and twenty-two of them are available (because the top three people have already expressed their exact interest and I'll update availablity throughout the day). Please let me know how many shares you want (or half-shares if $50 is too much) and I'll keep at least one share available to those on the list above. Please give me your email addresses at (hrking275 at comcast d o t net) or hit me up on Yahoo IM (hrking275) so we can work out money transfering information.

I can't thank everyone enough for their encouragement, I never thought I'd be able to cross something off my life "to do" list so soon (hopefully Lindsay Lohan will be out there so I can tell her to please eat a sandwich or ten for another check off the list!).

And if Pauly and Otis are reading... any help with logistics that you can throw my way despite your extremely busy schedules (where to stay, how to register, do I prop bet Gavin Smith into a game of bowling, what to/not to wear, size of hooker bar tips, etc...) I'd be forever graceful.

And to my understanding wife, I still don't know what possessed you to marry me but hopefully this will end up as a grand story and a little bling to bring home. If not, I promise at least a story.

Thanks for dropping by, now I shall be at the Mookie tonight to retain my top 10 status that was lost due to not being home for the last two events of the BloggerPokerChallenge.

Fear the angry nurse.

And a belated Happy Birthday to the Blogfather, for a proper online birthday celebration, hit up Al's post and don't forget the peppermint lotion.

Its my daughter's birthday today, so this page may also get updated with the customary messy cake picture. Edit: A little cleaner then I remember

A Show Of Hands Please

** Disclaimer - I am just getting a feel for this, I am not going to play unless I win a bracelet race (of course that would mean actually ENTERING one first) or suck up my pride and accept any generous moneys you throw at this low roller**


If I were to beg and plead for internet mobneys to enter the $1,500 World Series of Poker event #42, which happens to be Pot Limit Omaha Eight or Better.

Would there be any stakers willing to take a risk on the world's worst Omahahahaha player?

Again, I have ZERO idea about my chances playing against a bunch of no limit hold em kids that find their way over to this, relatively, small new event. But, I'd wager I would do a little better then most.

If there's enough (any) interest, I'm going to have a heart to heart talk with the wife about coming out to Vegas for this event as its been a dream of mine for years to play just once. Even if there's no replies I'm about 50/50 for taking my Keepyourpokerface.com cash and shoving it towards a wrap low straight flush draw.

** I may delete this post by tomorrow, because I hate myself for even asking **

We Be Truckin

Pauly is bringing sexy back with another issue of Truckin!

I'm swearing off any writing today due drinking Modelo Especial out in a parking lot late after softball last night and missing the Hoy in process.

Here's Dr. Pauly and the crew serving up another round stories more then the five senses:

We close out the fourth year of Truckin' with an issue that features a couple of new scribes.

1. 60 Hours in Amsterdam, Part I by Paul McGuire
I was worried that the Air France ticket agent in Nice was going to send my bags to Paris. He kept asking me if I was going to Paris and I responded with "Amsterdam" everytime he asked... More

2. Stuck in Monte Carlo by Otis Dart
It was actually the sea that I had stepped out on the balcony to see. I'd only been on the ground in Monte Carlo for a few hours. The moment I crashed into my room at the brand new Monte Carlo Bay Resort, I'd fallen into the most comfortable bed in the world... More

3. Emilio Estevez Loses His Tooth by BTreotchFour minutes earlier, Emilio Estevez was beating his kid-brother Carlos while he was hog tied and strapped to the top rail of their swing set with cheap-itchy yellow rope... More

4. Confessions of a Man by Sigge S. Amdal
I should have asked her for a date. Any date at all. 4th of March, 6th of April, didn't really matter. As long as we could go and have a dinner, or see a movie or something. It's not like I'm craving a relationship, I've got too much to do already, but it stung inside of me knowing that I'd already lost a chance. A chance. Singular term. There could be more coming... More

5. A Grand Day Out by Susan BentlyOn the other side of the road sat this German guy's car with a huge dent on the bonnet and his family sitting in the car, wife and children looking wide-eyed and pale. The bleeding carcass of a moose lay next to the car, dark patches of blood over the centerline... More

6. City of Sins by Clay ChamplinPeople head to Las Vegas for two reasons: salvation or condemnation. Those looking to be saved from their mundane Midwestern lives bask in the perpetual glow of the strip or gawk skyward at downtown's Freemont street experience... More


What a Long Strange Trip It's Been...From the Editor's Laptop:

This issue features an interesting mix of new and old writers in one of the strongest issues of the year. Susan Bently and Clay Champlin join the staff along with familiar faces such as Otis and everyone's favorite Norwegian word wanker Sigge.

And finally, BTreotch is back with the second installment of his hilarious Emilio Estevez series. My contribution this month is about a short side trip to Amsterdam after a work assignment in Monte Carlo.

I ask that if you like these stories, then please do me and the rest of the writers a huge favor: Tell your friends about your favorite stories. It takes a few seconds to pass along Truckin'. I certainly appreciate your support. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail if you know anyone who is interested in being added to the mailing list.Thanks to the writers who exposed their souls to the world and wrote for free. I'm lucky that you were willing to take that leap of faith with me. Thanks for inspiring me.Thanks again to you the readers for wasting your precious time with Truckin'.

Until next time.

Salukis,McG

Skiing On Fun

Ever shouted a little louder then you should have?

Ever got lost into a moment that you didn’t care of the disapproving stares?

Ok, alcohol was involved, but it’s refreshing to just go for an entire day and just burst out without social rule constraints. But, before making an ass out of myself (and of course this was not the first time, shocking to many I know) I took little ride through the heart of Minnesota.

Lake City, naming itself proudly on those “welcome to” city boards complete with Knights of Columbus plaque, as the birthplace of waterskiing! Considering the vast waters of Lake Pepin, I see a excellent chance to hit a nice sized wake for some embarrassing wipeouts while planted on two planks of fiberglass. The serene air about this small towns like Wabasha (think of a Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon movie) and Winona is what Minnesota is about. There was a massive garage sale up and down the coast of Lake Pepin with bargain hunters out in droves, searching for that cute little Sunday outfit for their kids with a $.50 bright orange sticker attached. Massey-Ferguson tractors, picnic tables, and even roadside cheese curds stands lined up along highway 61 to attract people “from the Cities” into their homes for bargain and maybe a story behind it if you understood our accents.

Number of seniors spotted wearing a Minnesota Tuxedo consisting of: John Deere trucker hat, flannel shirt (temperature be damned), and Dickies/Wranglers overalls: 7

Number of times I shook my head at the site of this outfit despite living here my entire life: 7

Passing towns with a population less then an auditorium class at the U of M and checking out the $4.99 steak and eggs special at Flo’s Diner, really knocks your senses back to a time before PDAs, Wii’s, and internet poker.

I-90 was a quicker, more direct route to our destination of Winona, MN home of the USBA State Bowling tournament and future site of Drizz’s spaz-tastic hours of fun at my own expense. But, if you ever decide to hop up to this great state for a visit, do yourself a favor and take the little highway 61 route up the Wisconsin/Minnesota border. Stare out at the big, beautiful lake and let the cold mist hit your face while having a picnic lunch on the various patches of grass facing the big body of water.

As for the bowling tournament, I decided to hit up the bar to loosen up a little bit before tap dancing my way into dorkdom. The microbrew being offered by a local brewery had an excellent taste with little/no bitterness on the ends. Backwater Brewing Company offered some very tasty wares that I may, or may not have consumed at a rapid pace, I know Chris the diminutive waitress with a 1000 watt smile and body enjoyed my tips. My advice is to sample the RiverTown Nut Brown if you enjoy Newcastle, and definitely the Steamboat Stout for darker beer lovers out there. As customary while bowling for money I managed to get myself three sheets into wind and barely missed out the money for the singles event.

Then, the fourth sheet hit before me and my brother-in-law started the doubles competition. 236 – 236 – 192 not bad for someone who averages 166, and when the leaderboard gets updated, you’ll see my name in the top 20 out of over 1,000 entries. Worth a little bit of dignity? Like I had any to begin with, as with every strike there was a fist bump, a shout, and kissing my adorable niece for luck.

A purging I think they call it, as the daily grind goes away and you’re stripped of any schedule, any responsibilities, or any cares. Just you and a feeling of light-headedness that really doesn’t require any barley hops or Southern Comfort (but I still had a celebration shot afterward anyway).

Thanks for dropping by, now unless rain rain comes again at the softball fields, I’ll be missing out on the Hoy tonight and allowing Waffle’s to obtain more unspeakable points in the Bloggerpokerchallege. Good luck to all.

Min-Raising Drunk People

In the immortal words of Daddy...

Daddy: it's like farting in an elevator and nobody giving you the "eye."
Daddy: goddamn, that's the perfect analogy. elevator fart clearance v. a walk on a MP minraise.


Drink on folks, and remember to min-raise those aces!

Four Days On the Disabled List

And the Yankees fire...









... their conditioning coach?

I guess someone didn't get their morning rub and tug on time while on the DL.

I'm off for a weekend of golf, bowling, beer, and a possiblity of poker not necessarily in that order.

If you were say a "free" man on a given weekend and could happen to glance by a cardroom like Canterbury Park on the way home from a previous engagement despite adding an extra 45 minutes to the car ride would you go? I'm feeling a strong pull into that $4/$8 Limit Omaha 8 or better with 1/2 kill that Canterbury spreads, but the amount of sharks that circle the waters waiting for the empty seats to fill up doesn't make it +EV. As stated many times, my limit game resembles a kodiak bear trying to knit a sweater for a field mouse. Instead of using patience, I try to pounce on every sight of weakness and end up paying off many big bets when those gutshots and flushes come in. Great for Pot Limit, bleeds Liverpool red on the bankroll ledger for Limit.

Plus with some horsey bettors flush with cash from the Kentucky Derby, I'd figure the cardroom will be hopping with low limit "lets try poker!" types to shore up my home bankroll a bit.

If not, the chicken strips are usually decent, and there's always PAI GOW! in the back room for -EV despite the California rules of having to pay an ante each hand.



The Mooooooookie last night was uneventful, made the points, got shortstacked, lost a 40/60 trying to be aggressive. Nothing exciting except for the chat of course which is the reason why you pay the $11 admission fee to the carnival's Tilt-a-Whirl ride on Full Tilt. Just eat the cheese curds AFTER you've been spun around like someone trying to guard LeBron in the lane.

Almost to the half way point of the BloggerPokerChallenge brought to you by Poker On Mac and whoever is serving Al that particular night, and I'm sitting around 15th place still nursing along without being able to crack another final table appearance since chopping up The Big Game and make a run at those top three spots.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you've ever felt "small" because a boss or someone with "higher social status" decided to thumb you into the ground here's a story for you.

If you haven't already read it, here's a story of Terrance Chan at the Playboy Mansion charity tourney (which some people we might know went to last year). And the letter on Iggy's site explaining the "other side" of the argument that has the same uppity tone from "you're no Johnny Chan" chick here. Ugh. Trying to play victim here after writing those things? Joy has some self-love issues, not to mention captialization is your friend, embrace the shift key Joy!

I weep for people who think they're "bigger" then others because of social status except for Bobby Bracelet who has a right to laugh at your junk size and horrible blackjack strategies.


See you at the Riverchasers tourney this evening!

The 79,200 Inch Run For The Roses

I don't know if anyone noticed but there's a sizable horse race coming up and no whiff of LEGAL internet wagering on said horse race.


The employees of that wonderful roast beef snack shop, Arby's, need to stop testing my squirrel-sized brain. I was in my happy place, my team won a softball national qualifer, my window was rolled down taking in the beautiful Minnesota day along I-94, and the 5 for $5.95 special at Arby's was about to take care of my malnutrition of drinking a couple of flat Coors Lights after an entire day of rather competitive play at the fields and no Snickers to satisfy my hunger.

My wife requested one roast beef sandwich, bun, Arby's sauce, and hold the government tub of nacho cheese (which I love). Since she took take of the kids all day while her husband was busy working on a farmer's tan at a remote softball field, I figured obtaining a round disc of beef and bread with no dairy products should be a simple request to fulfill.

But nay.

"Can I take your order, sir?"

"Yes, you can, I would like the 5 for $5.95 special"

"Ok!"

"Two Arby's Melts, Two Curly Fries, and one Regular roast beef sandwich"

"Sir, you can't order a regular sandwich"

"Oooooooooook"

"But, you can have an Arby Melt without cheese"

"..."

"Sir? Are you there?"


If you know what the other person means, is there a reason to make those tiny pistons in someone elses brain to run hot enough to reach maximum viscosity and thermal breakdown (kudos if you know the brand of motor oil)?

Thanks for dropping by, now remember the Mooooookie is tonight, expect my weak-tight ninja cow (hat tip to Wicked Chops for the clip) game unless we receive some bad news about an ailing grandmother.

Yes, It Is a Sport

Poker on Yahoo!

Poker on AOL.

Poker on "Comcast On Demand" far behind?

Give it five years and you'll be playing $2/$4 Stud Eight or Better with your Wii Remote on ComcastCasino.com while watching the series finale of Lost, and betting on the 5th at Canterbury Park on your TV.

If I could use those frequent players points to pay the nasty cable bill each month, I'd multi-table until the Playboy TV/Sunday NFL Ticket add-on charge was paid off.


Question: If there was someone standing no more then twelve feet from you and could launch a projectile at a speed approaching 100 m.p.h., would you try to piss off this individual?

Why a slowpitch softball pitcher would ever want to taunt the batter AND run close to home plate after throwing is beyond my comprehension. Luckily for him it was a friendly game last night in the bar leagues so I sent a kind reminder to his Mizuno cleats instead of his overpriced Under Armour black and silver cap.

He didn't dance after that.

I will be trying to attend more of the Battle of the Blogger Tourneys later this week (Mooooookie and Riverchasers) as I got home a little too late from playing last night due to three different downpour delays and the fact that my team took almost 20 minutes to finish their half an inning before the mercy rule came into effect.

Worst for the other team but there's nothing like sitting on a wet bench for 20 minutes to finish off a 33-7 game. Must be how the Yankees feel every week.

Thanks for dropping by, now I must confess to being signed up for a 2-day bowling tourney this weekend, adding that to the softball tourney last weekend what should be my next choice of "athletic" competition?

Darts?
Horseshoes?
World Series of Quarters?
Euchre?
ACA sponsored Cornhole tourney!

All Ben Gay'd Up

Yo, Adrian!


Welcome to the purple. We have a welcoming boat out on Lake Minnetonka all fired up for you. Smoot left it as a going away present, just watch the floor for "unknown substances" as twisting an ankle on astroglide or a glitter-ladened g-string isn't the best way to impress the coach.

I'm copping out today because I'm burnt, semi hung-over from downing a year's supply of Coors Light (not my choice) and UV rays at the ballpark over the weekend. Due to my ability of barely hitting the sphere past the pitching rubber and my teammates ability to crush the twelve inch glow ball away from various no-neck outfielders, we managed to snag a bid from winning the tourney to play adult t-ball in Panama City, Florida (which I've found out is NOT close to two of my favorite bloggers in Orlando).

Remember to sign up tonight for Hoy's tournament at Full Tilt as the BloggerChallenge rolls on. This week also starts the softball season for me, so my virtual double Ds will be on display less often as this old man tried rolling home and ended up with a sore back and jammed pinky finger.

Yes, I'm a wuss.

Thanks for dropping by, now congrats go out to brdweb for taking down the first WSOP blogger bracelet race this year last night!! It was nice to see the mysterious Bracelet getting down to two tables as I was rooting him on despite his luckbox team defeating the Twinkies and avoiding an embarassing home series sweep yesterday. Inge? Yes, indeege.

Did everyone else enjoy their team's NFL draft? Moss to the Pats? Oh my.

Cameron Frye, This One's For You

Cam (as Mr. Peterson): ROONEY! GRRRRRRR I want my daughter out in front of the school in 10 minutes by herself!

Rooney: Yes, Yes, Yes, Sir!

Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?

Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.

Ferris: Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.

Cameron: You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.


I've been giving serious thought into picking up my IGN-validated Geek Union card by purchasing an unnamed computer-based RPG after watching some of those WoW videos (damn what a busy interface!). The raids, the 15 year old guild leaders that spill their cases of used Red Bull cans like their life depending on getting that uber-cloth sleeve of banishment for defeating Monocule the Sighted, or the simple competition matching reaction times and accuracy with fellow Blademasters and Sorcerers.

Each time I feel that pull of spamming a Twin Blade reactionary swing after a successful parry (go read your Electronic Gaming Monthly if you understood that, dork) I am reminded at home what a slippery slope those games can be to a person with my addictive personality. Guild raid at 11pm lasting until 4am???? No problemo! I have to be there to be the main assist for a gank squad raid on some nOObs while dinner is on the table?? rAwK oN!!!!

Unfortunately as I fell further and further down that pixelized pit, the gap between the unintentionally funny guy in the video yesterday and myself was my ability to walk away, otherwise that could be me shouting at my computer monitor while Teamspeak assisted the group members over headsets with shouts of "heal me!" "peel this assassin off!" "I just jerked off to the new hentai video Cooking Mama OhLaLa!".

Being introduced to poker has been nothing short of a blessing as I have a little bit extra income, a little bit more self-confidence, and a few more people that I call my friends. Even that suckout artist Smokkee.

I've met people that in no way would I have had as much in common with those that I killed Trolls and Orcs with several years ago. Sure, some of the older players I would have felt comfortable grabbing a beer with, but the chats on IRC and IMs didn't reflect real life, and that was ok for the time due to my deep battle with depression and illness.

Avoidance.

Parry.

Now, I use words like "rebuilding" and "happiness" to describe a normal day in the neighborhood. While I'm not whistling a happy Mr. Rogers style tune each day, I'm learning to become o.k. with showing a geniune smile versus one that appeased the masses. You could read countless books on depression and recovery, but I'd bet a drink at the MGM Sportsbook bar that the biggest struggle isn't climbing out of that black hole, but stay on top of it and reminding yourself its ok to feel good. Maybe its a buried Catholic guilt thing for feeling confused about multiple days where I don't feel like shit. Things that would have had me ducking for cover under a desk, now just roll off after a quick rant and resolution. Except skulling my new lob wedge from 30-40 yards out, that brings out a rage in me that only an attentive beer cart chick can quell.

While you won't see me hoping aboard a float in a Chi-town parade belting out golden oldies, I sincerely hope you won't see me sulking into dark areas like at the last WPBT event or receiving two wheeled transportation assistance. I am truly blessed to call several of you my friends.

Group huggles?

Thanks for dropping by, now enjoy your weekend as I will be donning my stretchy pants and acquiring some grass stains while playing in the first softball tourney this weekend for my new team.

Winner gets a bid to go to Vegas.

I like.

Tuff Fish Plays WoW

To my heads up opponent last night in a SnG:

http://twodimes.net/h/?z=2600411 pokenum -mc 500000 -o8 7c 8d 9h qs - 2h 3d 4h 4d Omaha Hi/Low 8-or-better:
500000 sampled boards
cards scoop HIwin HIlos HItie LOwin LOlos LOtie EV
Qs 7c 8d 9h 142268 264179 235821 0 29939 116966 65 0.435
4d 3d 4h 2h 207289 235821 264179 0 239156 0 65 0.565

If you're a gamer who has used Teamspeak and/or been on a "raid", here's a good indication of how my opponent would have reacted if it was TuffFish. I had the "junk" hand.

World of Warcraft video

And if you need to see the "real" video of the guy, remember that face next time you're at the 7-11 grabbing a slurpee and some candy MORE DOTS MORE DOTS MORE DOTS!!!!!!!!111oneoneone

When you have 3BBs left... its time to flip coins m'kay?

Thanks to Iggy for the video, I plan on several replays :)

Kryptonite

I failed once again to gain points while playing in the Hoy last night, mainly from stellar plays that resulted in getting short-stacked and resorting to a suckout just to play on for another thirty minutes.


Amazingly, I was still participating in a small buy-in PLO8 tourney by the time I managed to push JJ into QQ and unceremoniously exited the blogger's realm and leapt back into a bigger donkey pit.



Only these guys don't joke, and were dead set on wagging their e-penises around while flaunting Sharkscope and Officalpokerranking numbers. I'd be willing to bet their work uniforms still smelled like day old McGriddles and industrial strength floor cleaner while berating the big stack for pummling the competition into submission.


No, that wasn't me wielding any four cards with a Trump Tower sized chip stack and winning.


I did the exact opposite of my "F" game that was shown in front of well-respected MTT bloggers, and Waffles. I played patiently with just a hint of granite, sweetened by some timely bust outs to make a little money on the night after realizing I was out of tier one tokens and had to buy directly into the Hoy. $26 may not seem like much, but as I've mentioned several times, I don't like playing tourneys in the first place and any tourney buy-ins above $5 could be better spent on Wii gadgets like this. But, throwing $100-$200 at a coin flip in a cash game is perfectly acceptable!


With 23 left, the payout grid noted I had to play 6th to break even for the evening. Sitting 8th for the start of the final table didn't improve my outlook as the Twinkies to my left were getting ready to implode in extra innings. In the basement some unfolded jeans, spring jackets, and panties awaited my departure from the micro tourney, but they would have to wait until...

I lost to the huge chip leader somewhere north of April 23rd bleeding into today. But, 2nd of 154 doesn't suck.



Hopefully this variance reversal last a little while longer because I'm getting dangerously close to an amount that would allow me to spend a few days with some invisible internet friends during the WSOP.







Thanks for dropping by, now drop by Pokernews and give Pauly, Change100, Flipchip, and Amy some love as they tackle the WPT Championship!

Beef: Its What I Want

First off, congrats to a pair of fine ladies for their cashes in the WPBT Limit Hold Em' tourney last night. Limit still has the undisputed reign of red ink drizzled across a spreadsheet that is firmly in the black for the year (I've been dabbling in the $1/$2 game now, just single tabling).

Bayne, sorry about the late response, but I added a little note in the comments area about the EV in that O8 hand.



Ok, the shock of having to move positions is over, but the lame duck work sessions for the next month will provide the need to channel my inner cash game patience as working on clean-up detail doesn't leave one thirsty for the quest of workplace knowledge and all that six sigma stuff they drill into your head. Its hard looking at all of assorted emails from people I've taken time to get to know and build a rapport with to allow the job to flow easier and having those bridges crumble at a moments notice.

Life. Its not going to get any easier, so why the fuck aren't you drinking?

Actually, I'm surprised at how serene the wading pool is in my head. No ripples from Wyatt diving in after his multi-colored water football, or vendors asking me questions that in a couple of weeks will become someone else's responsiblity residing several mountaintops beyond this country's borders. Just happy to be here coach, but it could have been worse and that's the route of my Soo Line thought. Staying on the course of providing for the family, instead of putting much stock into issues I cannot control.

Ugh. Did I use a G-Dubya-ism? Its Monday, forgive me for any lack of coherency as my friends got together to enjoy the great outdoors of my backyard, drunken conversation (Twins losing two of three to the Royals?!?!?!), and charred animal in various presentations. Purging of a bad day, week, month, or even your year as I'll be there for yooooooooooou...

(excuse me while I grab a shotgun for my head to remove the "Friends" theme song)

Ok, its always a mental loofah to party with like-minded adults while the kids are locked away in an undisclosed nuclear bunker or my parent's house where they got to the freshly baked M and M cookies before my little paws got one. There's still no better therapy then sitting on a porch with light breeze floating thru the grill or by a bonfire with a smooth Gurkha resting between my fingers just rambling off good reasons why the Vikes should go after Adrian Peterson versus Brady Quinn at the NFL draft this week. Still hoping T-Jax (because shortened names are da shit yo!) will turn out more like Randal Cunningham vs. Tony Randall, and an exciting back would be snug for the Vikes insistance on winning games 9 to 7 last year. I predict several 12 to 7 victories this coming season.

And maybe with a little luck, I'll be able to see my invisible internet friends as well this summer. Of course that would mean I actually have to PLAY in a WSOP qualifer first because without a bracelet race win, my wife's response would be somewhere between "hell no" and "honey, the swelling from the frying pan should go down soon".

Thanks for dropping by, now Hoy, tonight, Full Tilt, BloggerChallenge, screenshots and name-calling to ensue, news at 11.

Asshats Need Not To Breathe

With four bloggers on the bubble of the $75 token frenzy last night, it looked as if another four entries would be made for the next "Big Game" as put on by BloggerChallenge leader and all-around nice guy MiamiDon.

Smokkee had his token wrapped up, WilWonka just survived a forced all-in to a chop, I was sitting low but the blinds just passed and I had enough to get my token. And StB was the unfortunate receiptant of the assholery play that happened on all three of the final tables. Basically whomever was the chip leader at each table pushed all-in every. single. hand.

Being acute satellite players of course we were folding to the token, but seriously, what the fuck. What happens if a equally stupid, similarly stacked idiot decides to look him up? Is it worth creaming your pants over "winning" a satellite versus obtaining the token without question? I think karma dictates those chip leaders to take 989:1 beat when they use those tokens while being told their subscriptions to "Reverse Beastality Monthly" were accidently re-routed to their bosses at McDonald's.

Then again, fundamentally bad plays like that are reasons why we're able to make money playing this little game over the intertubes.

I'm off today to hopefully cheer up a family member that has hit a rough patch and might not be on for the Riverchasers tourney hosted by he-who-shall-not-be-named (yes, I admit to wanting the new Harry Potter book).

If you want some content that will stimulate more then a dozen body parts and haven't read the pimpin from other sites, Pauly is back with another Truckin' issue make sure you drop by to give it its due.

Thanks for dropping by, now how soon until we hear A-Rod + Steroid allegations? As must admit as I detest the Yankees, the boy is making the game look like co-ed softball night with a cooler of Busch Light sitting in the dugout for beers in-between at-bats. Phenomicytical and down right fun to watch. Go A-Rod!

Riding The High Tide In

American Idol was popped on to both my ear's dissatisfaction to receive the fork-on-chalkboard sound of Sanjaya. Excuse me sir, New Kids On the Block called and little Joey wants his outfit back, but keep the inability to hold a tune.

Can you get booted for being the one solid performer on the show? Simon was right to point out that Melinda should quit the Minnesotan-type bashiful "aw' shucks it ain't nuttin'" attitude and acknowledge she is the best without hitting diva territory. Maybe those years as a backup singer have scarred her from blossoming to the performer she could be because she doesn't want to turn into that type of person.

I'm changing careers in a matter of a few weeks and all I'm typing out is some TV show where viewers intend on continuing the joke (except last week where he finally earned his way to move on) of keeping the chameleon of Bangladesh on the show.

Avoidance, misdirection, deep breaths, family time, and some poker and porn sessions will suffice as I saunder through the work day while being viewed as some sort of sick puppy with those cute eyes that make you want to babble some baby talk while scratching its ears. I'm usually one to roll with the punches but taking the frying pan to the face yesterday left a bacon-scented greasy residue and it will take some time to trust again while pouring over my new T.P.S. reports.

Its ironic that I choose yesterday to wear my "company colors" to work, and left the building with a feeling of violation. Don't get me wrong, I'm graceful and actually optomistic about the new position (despite it being a small demotion) but suddeness of the three different departmental meetings yesterday and sitting through them with people casting stares in your direction like you just popped a zit on them, wasn't my idea of a solid work day. Thus ends the work rant, back to business as usual.

On the poker side, I continued my little streak of three final tables in four days with another late cash in a $20 90 man SnG last night. With Matty pointing out that my opponents have managed to defeat the laws of mathematics and lost well over 100 buy ins to $10 and $20 SnGs, I figured my chances were fairly good for a shot at the $500+ pay day. But, the fateful hand came down three handed, and I'd like you weigh your expert opinions if you will (I don't do this often so if you come here for poker content, enjoy):

Blinds 750/1500/100 (ante might be slightly different)

Effective stacks:

Button (the charming, dashing, and frankly looks goofy with his new contacts in, your hero): 68,000
Sharkscope Donkey: 120,000
Push Monkey: 113,500

Reads: Donkey has managed to suckout his way to the final table and the chip lead by hitting several draws after CALLING all-in on three different occassions. But, he has shown the ability to fold to aggression.

Push Monkey was just gifted his stack by another equally large stack by pushing pre-flop with A9o and getting called by 55. He has one move post-flop and that is to push despite having nearly 100BBs.

I raise with a pot bet from the button as I have a couple of times with non-premium hands that are better suited for doubling down at the Rio's six deck blackjack tables, but this time I am looking down at AcKc. Donkey folds, and Push Monkey elects to call.

Flop is: Kd Qc 7d

Push Monkey sees a banana and starts a Tarzan yell while spamming his all-in tab on the betting screen. After watching a couple of other players in the tournament do this with any pair, any draw, and watching this opponent continually shove his chips in like a Maury-show guest that just found out he is the 23rd guy to be tested negative for the trailer trash's kid's paternity do you call here?

Forget range of hands, EV, and that time you walked by the women's dressing room at Kohl's and catching a small glimps of the Lindsay Lohan (pre-preztel stick figure) look-a-like trying on a new bikini, and can you give him credit here for having more than just one pair based upon his inability to keep his dick in his pants?

Do you fold and look for a better spot? We can certainly do so, since our stack size is fairly large with respect to the blinds and eventually you know your opponents will shove pre-flop and race off their chips thus leaving you at a probable 4:1 disadvanage heads-up.

There I wrote about poker again, should suffice until after the mOOOOkie tonight. See you then.

Thanks for dropping by, now I'd like to thank you all for the kind words of encouragement over the past few weeks. The emotional roller coaster has been flatened out by the IMs and comments thus keeping me even keel through the highs and lows, and I'm a better person due to it.

My head is in a different place right now. I come in this morning to find a private meeting with HR and my boss' boss.

Rumors of course have been swirling and my head is about in the same place it was pushing a pair into Otis' flopped trips last night.

I'll update later if I'm not busy packing up my stuff in a copy paper box after 11 years.


Update: Bad news is that my position is in fact being shipped off to Bangalore. The good news is, I have been reassigned within the company without any lost of pay.

I guess that's the best I could have hoped for, still feels like a kick to the junk though.

Big Game, Big Win

I checked with my bookie this weekend about taking Santana at home versus the lowly Tampa Bay Devil Rays on the run line.

"Bet the house and get me some Shrek fun fruit!" exclaimed the diminutive arm breaker

Fortunately the wager was fictional as paying for a trip to a train museum and there’s no such thing as wagering on sporting events over the internets. I had to pay that sinister toddler looking man-child pictured to the left whom laughed his way to the Jackson Street Roundhouse after the Cy Young award winner decided to leave a few change-ups hanging thus losing the game for the Twinkies.

At least the Thomas the Tank Engine videos were fun to watch with free chocolate milk and M & M cookies on Sunday morning as we beat the crowd and enjoyed a little history lesson of the St. Paul based roundhouse upon the old steel horses. After a quick nine with my friend Burnsie, who only enjoys my easy money on the golf course, we set out to meet up with family for some overpriced arcade fun at Dave and Busters.

A question on tipping etiquette: we had a party of about 14 people including three kids that were well-behaved despite the siren sounds of tickets being extracted from the various games of skill in the arcade. Our bill had an 18% gratuity charge, standard and not an issue as it was well-deserved. Does the waiter receive this, or does the tip go to the house? I tipped above the amount anyway due to the waiter’s lack of corporate robotism as seen on previous trips, but if I hadn’t tipped I wanted to make sure he was rewarded for answering in-depth questions from Wyatt about the restored Pac-Man game that stood only a first down away from his seat at the table.

After grabbing enough tickets to purchase must have items such as a Star Wars lightsaber (over/under for knocked down pictures is set at three days) and a couple of Care Bears for the little one, we headed back home where I was ready to cheer on my fellow bloggers in the Big Game (hosted by Miami Don).

Kyra was dancing around due to the overload of lights and double shots of Rumple Mintze but settled in with her newly acquired stuffed animals and slept like, well, a baby. My computer showed a couple of IMs from a pair of fellow degenerates asking if I was playing the tourney this evening. I assumed the tourney started at 7:30 because that’s what Microsoft Outlook said, my thanks to Billy G. in Washington! With a few “stitch it ups” and “just give the kid a tranquilizer dart” I managed to read thru half of the Cat In the Hat’s antics with promises of finishing this evening while pre-registering for the tourney.

Defending Champ Pauly, Miami Don, Blinders, Iakaris, TABLE CHANGE! Then again, this is what the Big Game was supposed to do, bring out the bloggers for a chance at a decent sized cash and “serious” poker. Yes, I played the hammer for a raise. Yes, I played the mOOOOOkie for a raise.



And yes, I managed to chop 1st after it was all done and took the 1st place points for the bloggerpokerchallenge as I apologize for not knowing my fellow players whom I chopped with.

One flip, one suckout, and one resuck that’s all the action packed recap I can muster, as I’ll leave tourney reporting to the pros, and stick with things I know like skulling a lob wedge so badly someone asked what gauge was the shotgun I fired after an approach shot.

And after losing a good chunk of change on Saturday after another failed attempt to grasp limit O8, it put a smile back on this “poker” blogger’s face another as wide as the bookie’s picture above.

Thanks for dropping by, now if the other players in the chop could forward their links I’ll post em up as my two readers will send countless hits to your websites :)

Edit:

Mike Maloney (not from Police Academy!)

Crazgamer

Anyone know the clown?

Two Cards? I Push.

Actions speak louder then words, right?

Some people just suffer from lead foot disease when spouting off (see Don Imus).

Now consider this guy from Northern Minnesota:

"(I)f the people in my district had voted for slavery, and if the vast majority had, and I was representing them, the answer is yes, I would have voted for it," Commissioner Keith Nelson said at a meeting of the St. Louis County Board.

Nelson's comment came during a board debate in February over a proposed county smoking ban.

Nelson said he opposed the ban because most of his constituents wanted him to -- and he always followed the will of his constituents.That prompted a question from fellow Commissioner Bill Kron. "I said there are some issues of conscience where the majority may not be right, for example would you have voted for slavery if the majority of your constituents would have?" Kron recalled Wednesday.

When Nelson said yes, "Everyone's jaws sort of dropped," Kron said.

Misplaced bigotry? Misplaced sense of responsiblity? Or misplaced his fifth of Johnny Walker?

Now... think of Imus who has a past, unlike the above example, has a history of spouting off at the mouth about various subjects in a non-PC way that was until last week, tolerated and even rewarded. Was it really neccessary to jump on the guy's freakish nose hairs for comment that may have been a little inflamatory due to the color of HIS skin? Anyone want to bet money on a black comedian doing stand-up in the next month will use the term "nappy headed 'ho" within their set while mocking Imus?

No takers for the "no" side? Will Al and Jesse be there to admonish the jokester?



As for my pledged poker-y content, due to Speaker's ability to win races with crap cards like AKs, I spent the entire Mooooooookie last night acting like a push monkey until Wyatt decided to wake up around 11pm and I pushed any two before assisting him with bathroom duties to see I was bounced in 15th place after him a quick hug and kiss goodnight.

Actually, I had fun again behind my nurse avatar with the Dallas Stars rooting Fat Guy (nice comeback by Modano and crew, wish I'd stayed up for the final buzzer), and other familar faces that are proding me to join the troops in Vegas within a few months. But, other obligations and no time to loosen the wallets of the online Omatards leaves my funds rather limp for such a flight.

If I should win a bracelet race, this would change my plans. As nothing short of being called a snowball on a stick by a radio shock jock would stop my appearance at the Rio. Never mind those gentlemen with three letter in bright yellow on their backs either.

Thanks for dropping by, now you may fear your standings on the BloggerChallenge scoreboard now that I have arrived.

Mookie? Signs Point To Yes

I shall be conserving my chi today for slaying the monster that has become Miami Don.

Funny, I thought he was pretty cool meeting him at the Sahara last week, now all he does is take blogger's mobneys via quasi-legal means over the internets. Of course I should mention I lasted three hours longer then him at the live tourney in a sad attempt to knock this beast off his game.

If that doesn't work I'll resort to sticks and stones next.

Baring some freakish snow storm in April I be pla...

Oh, its snowing here? Sigh.

See you at the Mookie tonight kids, remember to bring your jokes and screw those tin foil caps on tight.

Note to Ryan: Did you get my email for your brother? For some reason they get caught by spam filters sometimes.

The Post With No Name

I’m in a strange place right now. There should be different roads and avenues for me to take yet I feel trapped in a tunnel between two ways of solving an issue at home that gnaws at me like a pesky gnat while enjoying a beer soaked brat on the porch during a hot summer day with a little breeze coming through.

What do you do when you’ve beaten a subject to death, and then throw it into a microwave for good measure? Yet it comes back up like undercooked pork leaving a raw taste in your mouth and gasping for someway to feel whole again after praying to the porcelain gods. I have no words for the emotions I have gone through in the last two weeks due to my sudden entry into mainstream life again. No longer do I require an army of friends and family to shuttle my handi-capable ass around like Lieutenant Dan needing to procure more shrimp. There’s one less logistical reason for me not to grab that piece of paper from a scholarly institution to advance my career at work (if I choose to do so, but at the moment I enjoy my job).

How do you look at the love of your life knowing that something is being held back yet cannot explain it? It tortures me that the effort is there but the actions are not. Do I press that small pair in middle position with five big blinds left on the bubble? Sorry for the poker analogy but being that this was once a poker blog and that I play once in a while still, a little card tangent seemed fitting.

I do not love my life any less, but yet feel a piece of the puzzle is missing. There’s a want out there with no name (cue “The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly” theme song and a dusty Clint Eastwood with a hand rolled smoke hanging on the side of his mouth, strolling into town to kick ass). Seriously I’m fucked in the head right now and Vegas didn’t alleviate mental ping-pong that has been going on for a while. If only life were as easy as a Jimmy Buffett song maybe I wouldn’t be pecking away at these keys wondering why I didn’t even touch the computer last night due to apathy towards my favorite hobby.

Ok, I’m going to end this self-gazing before I rip too heavily into Sidney “Cream Puff” Ponson for his stellar batting practice performance last night on the hill. A hint to the hockey haired, sumo wrestling gutted hurler… throwing looping change-ups over the middle of the plate will get hit hard. Chew on that next time you’re thinking about blaming the hen-pecked fielders (for one error) that had to deal with the lasers coming off those over-priced Yankee bats.

Thanks for dropping by, now I promise to make it to the next bloggerchallenge.com MOOOOOOOOOkie tourney and retain my poker playing blogger card.

Dude Where's My Hundred?

Back from the Land of the Lost and into the Land of the Frost, typing on my trusty Microsoft Word blank page, negotiating my brand new contacts which seem to enjoy changing my eye sight in five minute intervals.

Did I have fun? Yes.

Did I drink enough to warrant a wheelchair ride again? No, but it wasn’t lack of effort.

Did I win? Kind of.

Did I see bOObies? Lots and some that gave bOObies a bad name which shouldn’t have seen the bright, blue skies above the MGM pool.

Vegas had more of a calming effect on me, versus the all out lets-get-really-really-drunk-and-end-up-with-a-three-way-from-a-porn-slappers-ad-girl-and-the-wife. There were no extreme highs, but a decent size bump in happiness from the Sahara. Seeing Don and dishing out bad NCAA hockey advice (UND BLOWS!) was definitely a highlight of the trip in my book. Of course I played a little poker there as well, and managed to hold the blogger tradition of finishing up late at the final table of their daily rebuy tourney. I couldn’t overcome the oppressive blinds for the win, but a fifth place finish after being almost dead last at the first break gave me a sense of accomplishment for the week. Or maybe that’s the several Cap’n Cokes I consumed doing the talking as the waitresses were kind enough to keep my glass filled for the duration of this surprisingly well structured tourney for the first two hours. At the price, I was considering the tourney a grand bargain while I watched my chip stack deplete slowly since the blinds-to-chip ratio was low and one could play many speculative hands.

But, for the cost of tipping the waitress for some refreshments, and having Don’s wide smile cheer me on the rail (victim of cards not holding up), I got the uplift needed to make the Vegas trip a success. Successful, doesn’t equate to profitability when you factor in my lowly slot fetish. Oh, these denizens of electronic coin operated hell, your siren call of bonus games and mindless entertainment with waitresses serving cold cocktails and serving even colder stares of disgust as your pennies and nickels are spun through an random number generator so the casino can build that $2.8 billion new addition.

Mr. Cashman > Drizz

Drizz > Stupid people at the poker table

Funny how I could take money from the douchebag in the seven seat as his hands shook so badly that finally woke up with Aces for the first time in two hours begging for someone to play Q9o and hit two pair to bust him, but that computer generated top-hat wearing coin did a similar number to my wallet.

So who’s the idiot?

On a slightly different tangent, I am sad to report that the quality in porn slapping on the streets of Las Vegas Boulevard were at an all-time low. No feeling given into handing fliers of promiscuous women offering half-hour to an hour long relationships of a platonic nature of course. No zing of smut emitting from those fingers to provide Sunny the former cheerleader’s private phone number. Besides no lazy river at the MGM pool, the porn slappers lack of marketing zealousness was the only true disappointment of the trip.

Despite the lack of inter-tubing fun, the MGM itself rocked. The beds were covered with lush pillows (do people really require 6 full size pillows???) and comforters that caused me to pass out almost every night after returning with the wife to our temporary home, and not giving into sneaking out the door at 2am to throw another Pai Gow hand into the muck. The poker room was run professionally as always with staff that kept my BAC at Vegas-levels for the week. Only miscue by the poker room was the morning tourney structure that should have “turbo” written next to its description. Popular indeed, as alternates were being filed in quickly for this card-catching bingo tourney during the first three levels up until the break. Sadly, my bingo card showed no dabber markings and I exited before the wife could get her soon-to-be burnt but still cute tush away from the pool.

Still buzzing on the plane ride home, I wondered out loud to my wife why we continue to make our yearly journey to a city that leaves our wallets lighter and heads swimming in alcoholic residue on the trip back to the frozen north?

I still don’t have a definitive answer and may never have one since my name will be on another ticket going west next year as well.

Thanks for dropping by, now for those who enjoy a good steak (and if you don’t go back to your tofu burger and ignore this) I have a question.

I was dining at Emeril’s at the MGM for our nice dinner of the week and choose the Louisiana Cedar Plank Campfire Steak to remind myself that double cheeseburger at McD’s while tasty just don’t substitute for a real dinner. Now while I saw “cedar plank” in the description I wasn’t expecting the actual wood to be served along with the best mashed taters this mouth has ever tasted.

The question(s): Why was the steak prepped on the wood, and why was it served with the wood?

Remember I consider fine dining as any place that provides silverware versus plastic wrapped sporks and don’t get out to places like this often.

Icy Buzz Kill

Seeing your breath after exiting the plane from Vegas certainly reminds you the SPF 45 is not necessary for sitting by the pool with your margarita the next day.

Short trip report on Monday after I sober up :)

Home Improvement Tip #483

If you connect your sump pump to a hose during a downpour, don't be surprised when you return home for the evening that your basement is flooded when you don't put the hose outside of the house.

Be back on Friday.


VEGAS!!!!!!!!!